Memories
by Anna Mae 2243
Summary: GrimmIchi yaoi In which Ichigo attempts suicide and Grimmjow remembers their past. Will have a companion story. Please R&R Rated M just to be safe and for possible lemons
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Yo! I wrote this when I was feeling kind of depressed, so it's kind of darkish... Meh, I'm not going to explain it. Read if you wanna, don't if you don't. This is Yaoi, don't like don't read. I warn you about angst, depression, cutting, language. I don't own Bleach, we all know. That makes me sad... Story!

"Ichigo, are you home?" Szayel Aporro Granz opened the apartment door and stepped inside. Starrk Coyote, Ulquiorra Cifer, and Grimmjow Jeagerjaques followed behind him silently.

"Wait here," the pink haired male instructed, "Ichigo doesn't like people going in his room." He walked down the hallway and to the orangette's bedroom door, grasping the door handle lightly.

"I'm coming in, Ichi." He pushed the bedroom door open, stepping into the immaculate room. Not a thing was out of place, so Szayel immediately noticed the composition book lying on Ichigo's desk. Making his way over to the desk, Szayel noticed a note on top of the book. He picked it up, immediately recognizing Ichigo's beautiful, flowing handwriting.

Sazyel,

I know that you will be the one to find this, you would not let anyone else enter my lair. By the time you find this, I will be gone. My notebook will tell you everything you will want to know. It's time to say goodbye, old friend.

With all that I have left,

Ichigo

A sense of dread settled in Szayel's stomach as he read the note. Ichigo didn't leave, nothing was missing from his apartment. He snatched the notebook from the desk and ran from the room.

"Starrk, call an ambulance," the pink haired male yelled as he ran past the living room. He slammed into the bathroom door, nearly taking it off of its hinges. He wasn't prepared for the sight that met him.

Ichigo was slumped over the sink. His wrists were bleeding profusely, the blood pouring down the drain. Szayel launched into action, pulling bandages out of the cabinets. The rest of the group stood in the doorway, shock painting their features.

"Damn it, I miscalculated."

Szayel nearly jumped ten feet in the air when he heard the rough voice. "Ichigo, you idiot! Why would you do this to yourself," he cried as he wrapped the other man's wrists.

"Didn't you read my note," Ichigo whispered before slipping into unconsciousness.

Szayel stood shakily and picked up the notebook he had dropped in his earlier panic. He noticed Ulquiorra holding the note, the other two reading it over the raven's shoulder. Grimmjow clenched his fists, collapsing into a nearby chair. Starrk laid a comforting hand in his shoulder, though he felt a similar pain.

"This isn't your fault," Ulquiorra spoke quietly, his normal monotone voice replaced with a sad tone.

Grimmjow's shoulders lost some of their tension, but he showed no other signs of having heard.

The paramedics arrived to take the orange-haired male to the hospital. After they left, Szayel sighed and sank onto the couch. He pulled the notebook into his lap and flipped open the cover. They wouldn't be able to see Ichigo today.

"Read it out loud," Grimmjow grunted.

Szayel glanced at his friend and nodded, waiting for the other two to settle in before he began to read.

September 10, 2010

I met someone today. We met at Las Noches, the new club in town. Maybe he can help me to finally get over that bastard Kaien. I just hope he isn't looking for a one night stand like the others I met. I'm so tired of being treated like trash. Maybe Grimmjow will be different, but then again, maybe he will be the same. I suppose I'll have to be careful.

"Who the hell is Kaien," Starrk asked. He had never heard of the guy.

"I don't know. Maybe the next entry will give us a clue," Szayel sighed, flipping to the next page.

September 12, 2010

Kaien has been calling me non stop. It scares me to be perfectly honest. He threatened to kill me if I ever left him, but I didn't heed the warning. I answered him once by accident. I thought it was Grimmjow, he promised that he would call me today. Kaien told me he wanted me back, but I can't go back to him, to the constant beatings. I told him that and he got angry. He said he would find me and kill me, and this time, I believe him.

"Wait, I think I remember some bastard named Kaien," Grimmjow growled.

"Keep reading," Ulquiorra commanded.

September 15, 2010

I don't think I need to worry about Kaien anymore. He hasn't found me yet, and I don't think he will. I can finally go out with Grimmjow without constantly looking over my shoulder. I can finally move on. I'm going out with him tonight, but I can't be sure if I can call it a date. He hasn't said anything to suggest that, so I guess it's just a friendly thing. I don't even know if he's gay. I guess it doesn't matter, he gets my mind off of Kaienand that's all I asked for.

"He never showed up that night," Grimmjow breathed.

Szayel's eyebrows pulled into a frown as he read the next entry.

September 19, 2010

I was released from the hospital today. Kaien nearly killed me. I hope Grimmjow isn't mad at me, I really need him right now. He's all I have left, even my friends have left me now. I don't think I could stand it if I lost him, too. I need to call him, but I'm scared. Whoever is up there listening, I've been through enough shit, please don't make it worse.

"Shit, is that what happened? He told me it was some gang," Grimmjow groaned.

"You knew about this," Starrk asked.

"Yeah, it was before you met him."

"Well what are you waiting for, tell us," Szayel demanded, annoyance surfacing at his lack of knowledge.

_Grimmjow was angry. His date skipped out on him a few nights before, and he still hadn't heard from the kid, not even an apology. _

"_No one makes me look like a fool," he growled as he stormed up to the orangette's apartment._

"_Oi, Kurosaki," he yelled as he pounded on the door. He crossed his arms and growled, the kid was taking too long. He heard the latch on the door unlock and took a step back. The door opened, just a crack, and one amber eye peeked out._

"_Grimmjow," Ichigo whispered, letting the door swing open as he backed away from the doorway._

_Grimmjow stomped in and slammed the door before rounding on the smaller male. What he saw made him stop and his blood ran cold._

_Ichigo's forehead, arms, and torso were completely covered in bandages. His face was littered with bruises and cuts and there was a large, hand-shaped bruise on his neck._

"_I'm sorry, Grimmjow. I was on my way, but-"_

_He didn't get to finish his sentence. Grimmjow pulled the smaller male close to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. Ichigo tensed for a moment, but quickly relaxed in the other's warm embrace._

_I'm just glad yer okay. What happened to ya," Grimmjow asked quietly._

_Ichigo hesitated for a minute. "A gang. They always pick on me because of my hair, you know. I was about to call you. I just got out of the hospital today."_

_Grimmjow just nodded and tightened his arms around the smaller body. _

"_I'll protect you from now on."_

"- and that's what happened," Grimmjow finished his story. He leaned back and ran a large hand through his blue hair.

"Keep reading," Starrk requested sadly. The more they read, the worse they felt.

September 20, 2010

I hate lying to him, but I really don't want to drag Grimmjow into trouble. I'm sure he has his own problems to deal with. He told me that he would protect me, but he can't. He doesn't know the real enemy. Rukia is supposed to come by today. She heard about what Kaien did and she wanted to come check on me. It will be the first contact I've had with one of my friends since I left Karakura. I miss the. Maybe my life is getting better after all of the bad things. I hope so.

"I remember Ichigo talking about her," Szayel said thoughtfully.

Starrk yawned loudly. "I think we need to call it a night," he said as he stretched out on the couch.

Grimmjow stood and nodded his agreement, stretching. His back let out a satisfying pop and he sighed, walking towards the hallway.

"Where are you going," Ulquiorra asked in his normal monotonous voice.

"To Ichi's room. I won't be able to sleep in here," Grimmjow answered before he closed the bedroom door.

A/N: Well there we go! Just so everyone knows, I'm going to write a companion fic for this on called making memories. It will give you Grimm and Ichi's story as it is happening, so be on the lookout! Let me know what you think, please review!


	2. Chapter 2: Accepted?

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I was working on updating my other fanfictions. After this one I'm going to work on Yer Mine Now and then I'll work on my evil saga series... So yeah, here's chapter 2.

Grimmjow woke up with Ichigo's unique scent flowing through his nose. He hadn't had this for so long, he missed it. He inhaled deeply, pulling the smaller male's body closer to his own. Ichigo was softer than he remembered... Then the reality of the situation crashed down on him and he shot up out of the bed, throwing the pillow that he clenched in his hands, fear gripping at his mind.

"I need to get to him," he growled as he threw open Ichigo's closet door. He pulled one of his old t-shirts from one of the shelves and dug around until he found a pair of sweatpants that would fit him. He dressed quickly and threw open the bedroom door, walking into the living room. His friends, startled by the sudden noise, plopped up, staring at the blue haired male before them.

"I'm going to the hospital," he grunted as he slipped his shoes on.

"Alright, we'll go home and get changed. We'll join you later," Szayel yawned, still rubbing his sleepy eyes. Grimmjow grunted in acknowledgement before walking out the door and slamming it shut.

He jogged down the stairs and out into the parking lot and jumped in his car, a royal blue 2009 Acura RSX with a silver panther scrawled on the side. He had gotten the paint job in memory of the shirt Ichigo had worn the first time they met.

He started the car and sped off toward the hospital, reaching it in record time. He rested his forehead against the steering wheel and closed his eyes with a sigh. He glanced over at the passenger's seat and noticed Ichigo's notebook laying there.

"Did I grab this," he wondered out loud before shrugging and grabbing the notebook. He slid out of the car, shoving the small object in his coat pocket. He quickly rushed inside, advancing two times the speed of a normal being. Grimmjow's expression was more serious than it had ever been, he needed to see his berry. He jogged up to the reception desk, letting his breathing even out.

"Are you here to visit someone, sir," a bubbly girl asked from behind the counter.

"Yeah. Ichigo Kurosaki. He should have been brought in last night," Grimmjow answered quietly, running a hand through his blue hair nervously.

"He is in room 615." Grimmjow nearly laughed at the room number, Ichigo would get a kick out of it when he woke up. He walked over to the elevator and rode it to the sixth floor.

"614... 615, finally," he sighed as he reached the correct room. He pushed the door open quietly, making sure he wouldn't disturb anyone. Ichigo was alone in the room, lying in the middle of the large hospital bed.

He was so pale, it gave Grimmjow the creeps. Grimmjow pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down, taking one of Ichigo's cold hands in his own. He hated seeing the younger male like this. He sighed and opened the notebook, planning to read to pass the time.

_September 21, 2010_

_Rukia Kuchiki is a royal bitch. I can't believe she yelled at me for "Hurting Kaien-Dono." She's obsessed with him, just like the others. He can do no wrong to them, even Renji thinks so. Screw her, fuck all of them. I don't have time to deal with their bullshit. Grimmjow is taking me somewhere tonight. He won't tell me where, he keeps saying that I'll just have to wait and see. I really hope it goes well... I still don't know if he likes me or not._

Grimmjow sighed. Ichigo could be really dense sometimes. He shifted in the chair and flipped the page.

_ September 26, 2010_

_I've never been this happy in my life! Grimmjow asked me to be with him when we went out for lunch. I said yes, immediately of course. I felt like an idiot. He just laughed and said it was cute, but I had wanted something else. I wanted to make him sweat for a bit, but that plan went out the window. I don't really care about that right now though. I'm nervous as hell. We're on our way to see his friends and get their approval. He said that his last relationship wasn't approved and it had gone to shit within weeks. _

Grimmjow chuckled quietly as he remembered that encounter, Ichigo's test.

_ *Flashback* _

"Hey guys, I have someone I want you to meet," Grimmjow called as he entered the quiet house. Ichigo waited outside the door as he had been instructed, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

"For heaven's sake Grimmjow, don't make him stand outside all night. You know how impatient we are," Szayel sighed as he relaxed in his chair. Starrk sat up from where he had been dozing off on Ulquiorra's shoulder. Grimmjow sauntered over to the door and held his hand out to the person standing outside. Szayel raised a fine pink eyebrow at the action. Grimmjow never held hands. Ever.

"C'mere Ichi," the blue-haired man purred, grasping a tan hand and interlacing their fingers. A tallish male with vibrant orange hair stepping into the room hesitantly. A light pink blush dusted his cheeks, making the light freckles across the bridge of his nose stand out. Despite his shy aura, his amber eyes had a strong fire, daring anyone to disapprove of him. Starrk stood and moved to examine Ichigo, the other two males following his example.

"Your name," Starrk started the interrogation as he slowly circled Ichigo, much like how a wolf would circle its prey.

"Ichigo Kurosaki," Ichigo answered in a strong, hypnotic baritone, his earlier discomfort seemingly forgotten.

"Where are you from Ichigo," Szayel asked quickly.

"Karukara Town," Ichigo stated.

"What does your father do for a living?"

"He's a doctor."

"Your mother?"

"She's dead." The questions stopped for a moment.

"When," Ulquiorra asked quietly.

"When I was nine."

"It must've been hard," Starrk commented.

"It was, but we got through it well enough I suppose. We're all still here after all."

"Who else? You can't just mean you and your father," Szayel asked.

"I have two younger sisters."

Szayel nodded.

"You must be very protective of them," Ulquiorra commented, still circling him.

"I would protect them with my life," Ichigo replied seriously.

"Any friends?"

"No." This drew a curious look from everyone in the room, even Grimmjow.

"You have to have at least one friend."

"No. They decided I wasn't worthy of their company after I left." Szayel's eyebrows knitted together, but he didn't say anything else. The Q&A session continued for another hour before Starrk looked to Ulquiorra and Szayel. He received two nods and looked back at Ichigo.

"You have our approval. Welcome to the pack, Ichigo." The two males sitting on the couch relaxed visibly, a smile crinkling Ichigo's nose cutely.

"I guess it's official," Grimmjow stated, nuzzling Ichigo's orange hair happily.

_*End Flashback*_

"They sure were glad I found somebody," Grimmjow sighed before flipping the page to the next entry.

_September 27, 2010_

_I was accepted into "The pack" as Starrk calls it. Grimmjow was excited, he hadn't had an approved boyfriend in a long time. He decided that he is going to stay with me tonight. Of course, he didn't ask permission. He just told me he'd be here around four. I think that tonight should be fun.  
_

Grimmjow grinned mischievously, remembering the first night he spent with the younger male.

A/N: Yes, it is a cliffy *gasp* JK. I'll continue it soon, I just didn't want this chapter to get too long. I'll start out the next chapter with Grimm and Ichi's first night together. Lemonade anyone? XD Tell me, should I have a lemon in the next chapter, or no? Review and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3: The first night

A/N: Well, here it is. A new chapter of memories. This will NOT have a lemon in it (cause you guys didn't vote :P) Well, anyway, in the last chapter, I said that I was going to make this chapter the first night that Ichigo and Grimmy spent together. That means that this _IS NOT _taking place in the present time. This is in the past, a memory. Please keep that in mind. Also, if you leave a review (or comment depending on where you read this) and tell me whether I should add a lemon in the next few chapters. Let me know! Your comments and reviews are what inspire me to write!

Grimmjow sauntered up to Ichigo's apartment door and knocked a few times before pulling back. He rocked back on his heels, whistling an unknown tune as he waited for the orangette to appear. He hadn't remained for long before the door to the apartment opened and a giant of a man with spiked up hair stepped out. He glanced at Grimmjow and gave him a once over.

"You better not be here to bother Ichigo, the last guy ended up in the ICU," the beast growled, cracking his knuckles ominously. An apartment door opened beside them, Ichigo poking his head out to see what the commotion was.

"Hey Kenpachi, how are you?" The youngest male asked when he realized the situation.

"Well enough, I suppose. Who's this guy," The man, Kenpachi, grunted, eyeing the blue-haired man once more.

"This is my boyfriend, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Grimmjow, this is my neighbor, Kenpachi Zaraki," the orangette smiled, gesturing to each man in turn. Zaraki stalked over to the bluenette and extended his hand. Grimmjow took it in a firm handshake, not flinching from the harsh scrutiny he was under.

"I like 'im. He's got balls," the giant announced with a manic grin. His face then suddenly turned serious, him stiffening his shoulders to show off his full height.

"You hurt him and I will castrate you," Zaraki started in a low warning tone. "I'll rip your head off, and feed your entrails to my dog. Got it?"

Grimmjow nodded, taking the threat seriously. Ichigo smiled and leaned against the door frame.

"Don't you have to go pick up Yachiru," he asked amusedly.

"Ah, shit, I gotta go. I'll bring her over tomorrow for you, Ichigo. See you," the hulking man addressed before grunting and walking towards his original destination.

The two stood in silence, each deciding to trust their own words. Ichigo observed Grimmjow until he noticed that he was at a loss for words, so he motioned for Grimmjow to enter his apartment before walking inside himself. Grimmjow noticed the gesture and followed behind him, letting out a shaky breath.

As composed as he had seemed, he had been scared shitless. That Zaraki guy was fucking terrifying, and he wondered why the orangette could act so normal around him. Ichigo let out a soft laugh as he got a good view of his boyfriend's pale face.

"Don't worry about Kenpachi. He's batshit crazy, but he's always protected me. As long as I've lived here, anyway. He's overprotective, but I really appreciate him being there. He's scared away more assholes than I can count. That was just his way of testing you," Ichigo paused.

"If you stayed, it was a sign to him that you would stay by my side and protect me. Or something like that. If you ran, he concluded that you weren't good enough for me and I shouldn't waste my time." Grimmjow watched his boyfriend, taking his words in carefully. He walked over to the orangette and wrapped his arms around the berry's waist.

"Well then his test is pretty accurate. I'll protect you no matter what," Grimmjow said quietly before leaning down to capture the younger's lips in a slow, gentle kiss. Ichigo smiled into the embrace before pulling away.

"You hungry," he asked softly.

"Starving."

Ichigo smiled and pushed against Grimmjow's chest gently to get the bluenette to release him. He walked to the kitchen, Grimmjow following shortly after. The older male sat down at the table as Ichigo opened the refrigerator.

"What are you hungry for?"

"How about some chicken. Or pasta..." Grimmjow replied absently.

Ichigo nodded and pulled the ingredients he would need from the refrigerator and pantry. He set to work, making the food quickly and efficiently. Soon, he was placing a large, steaming plate of chicken alfredo in front of the taller male. Grimmjow waited for Ichigo to sit down with his own plate before taking his first bite.

"Oh my God, this is delicious! Where'd you learn to cook like this," Grimmjow exclaimed, staring at the younger male in amazement.

"My sister taught me. She didn't trust me to leave the house and live on my own until she taught me everything she knew," the orangette chuckled. Grimmjow grinned, wolfing down the rest of his food before taking his plate to the sink, and starting to wash it.

"Ah, I'll do that Grimmjow," Ichigo protested as he stood up.

"No, let me," he assured, holding his hand out to support his point.

Seeing that the orangette didn't back down, Grimmjow sighed and started to chuckle as he looked into Ichigo's eyes.

"Why don't we watch a movie? You can pick one while I finish this up," Grimmjow suggested, taking Ichigo's plate from him. Ichigo's facial expression turned red, him turning around as his innards smiled back at him warmly.

Grimmjow finished washing the dishes and put them in the dish drain to dry before joining the orangette in the living room. He sat down on the beige couch as Ichigo put the selected movie into the DVD player.

Ichigo picked up the remote and settled down next to Grimmjow on the couch. The movie started playing, a horror movie that Grimmjow was fond of. Ichigo turned the small table lamp off, plunging the room into total darkness. The flickering light from the television was the only source of illumination in the cozy living room.

Ichigo jumped as the demented girl on screen appeared randomly, seemingly out of thin air. Grimmjow chuckled quietly and glanced over at the younger male. The orangette was shivering visibly, clearly shaken by the movie.

Grimmjow frowned and put his hand on Ichigo's shoulder. The younger jumped again, turning to look at the bluenette with wide eyes. Grimmjow grabbed Ichigo's hip and pulled him closer to his waist.

"It's only a movie, Ichi. Calm down," he whispered into the other's orange hair.

"I know, it's just..." He hesitated and glanced over at the blunette. His eyes expressing that he didn't trust his own words. Grimmjow nodded, him lowering the volume of the TV , and bringing his attention back to the orangette.

"My family has a history of dealing with spirits and demons." He started.

"These movies always get to me," Ichigo whispered shakily. Grimmjow nodded and pressed a kiss to Ichigo's forehead as the other turned to bury his face in Grimmjow's chest.

Grimmjow just held him there, letting the male breath comfortably in the warmth of his body. He started to look around, making sure to not to wake the sleeping orangette. On his left, his eyes made an assumption of the door, which was currently in a state of darkness, smothered in the depths of black.

Moving his glance he noticed the same.

"_It's too dark to see anything now, I guess I'll just have to look around tomorrow," Grimmjow thought to himself._

**XXX**

"Alright Ichi, it's over," the bluenette yawned, stiffening his back as an attempt to stretch it out.

When he received no reaction, he looked down to find the orangette asleep on his lap. He smiled softly and stood up, carefully cradling the sleeping male in his arms. He walked down a short hallway, stopping at the door at the end of the hall, which he assumed was the bedroom.

He pushed the door open with his shoulder, him earning a low pitch creak in return.

He had assumed correctly, for leaning on the far right of the room, lye a master bed. It's sheets perfectly tucked underneath the smooth fabric of the mattress.

He moved over to the large bed and laid the smaller male down. He leaned down to kiss his forehead as he pulled the blankets up over the sleeping man. He turned to leave, planning to sleep on the couch, but was stopped by a sudden,tight, death grip on his shirt.

"Ichi," he whispered, trying to remove the other's fingers from the fabric of his t-shirt. Ichigo just tightened his grip as he stirred.

"Stay in here, Grimm," he mumbled sleepily before letting his head fall back down into the soft of the bed. Grimmjow smirked as he climbed over the smaller male to lay behind him.

"Whatever you want, Ichigo," he whispered as he wrapped an arm around Ichigo's slim waist. He kissed the back of the orangette's neck before following his boyfriend into the realm of dreams.

A/N: So, good? Bad? Let me know, okay? You guys' reviews and comments inspire me to write more!


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